Pat’s Cracked Cup: Buying Time
We are all here because of advances in myeloma treatments. We have been given time. Some say we “buy” it—exchange the experience of chemical therapy for time to adapt and grow in the shadow of myeloma. Illness is pushed back so that we can carry on our lives.
I have recently encountered someone who is researching patient survival stories in an effort to write a book that offers hope for the terminally ill, a prognosis that is degrading and not particularly scientific.
The mind is a powerful aspect of health, especially when people begin to adopt healthier lifestyles and other personal changes. Acceptance of things as they are may be a part of that. I am curious about stories of people who experience spontaneous remission or those who become well through personal effort. Many people do survive for a long time, and health can be restored.
I also wonder how many myeloma patients go on with their lives without further complication due to myeloma.
I asked a health professional if she knew of any patients who never had a reoccurrence of disease. She shook her head “no.” I was not convinced. Some patients must begin to recognize themselves as well and simply drop out from the medical system. They get lost in the reporting.
Another doctor told me that I would likely die of something other than myeloma. One medical issue does tend to lead to another. We are a web of connections.
“I pictured myself as a virus or a cancer cell and tried to sense what it would be like,” Jonas Salk said in response to his famous vaccine discovery that shut down the polio epidemic. They called it a cure.
People with cancer are often encouraged to explore a similar technique by visualizing the elimination of such cells. I have tried painting cells as harmonious spheres. Mostly, I find these exercises difficult. There is another side of this kind of imagining—some integrative health approaches discourage repetitive thoughts about cancer cells, ill health, or death. Focused attention on any phenomenon may tend to increase it.
When I was quite ill after diagnosis, people sent cards mentioning that my name had been added to prayer lists. A good friend was a shaman-in-training and worked some of her practices on me. I received blessings from two Tibetan spiritual leaders, including the Dalai Lama.
I also developed my own personal practices. When I finally was able to sit up in bed without pushing myself up, I began a morning ritual of sitting up and speaking the words "thank you."
Scientifically, there is no such thing as a cure for myeloma. However, I am beginning to believe that a cure does not arrive in one neat package. A cure sneaks up on you. It evolves from your own experience as a very special blend of chemical, nutrient, action, and thought—a personalized blend of good medicine that we exchange for hours, days, weeks, and years.
Pat Pendleton is a multiple myeloma patient and columnist at The Myeloma Beacon. You can view a list of her columns here.
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Thank you, Pat, for the encouragement to focus on "thought," good thoughts toward healing. This is a very difficult mental exercise, given all the info we learn on genetic mutations and how our aberrant cells are silently multiplying, even as we swim, shop, watch films, garden. I like to think I can control what those cells are doing, but from what I've read ("Emperor of All Maladies" in particular), cancer cells are mystifyingly smarter than normal cells and will do what they want. Still, each day I am thankful for feeling so well, even in treatment. Myeloma is something I must learn to LIVE with, and I feel I haven't quite gotten to that plateau of thinking yet. Cheers. Suzanne
Thanks Suzanne. You are right--so many variables in the mix. The good medicine idea is really a concoction of so many random parts of our daily life beyond what we might consider "healthy." Eating hotdogs, drinking wine, and too much sun may factor in along with positive thoughts, broccoli, and carrot juice. Who knows?
Great read, Pat. Thanks for that.
I think you are absolutely right about one's thought patterns being an integral part of the overall healing process. Even within the confines of the medoc-chemical methods I am currently involved in (just finished chemo... yaya!) the reality of a positive attitude and exuding happiness has an effect: in the oncology wing of the hospital I've been receiving treatment, I'm pretty popular? Why? Basically, I think, because I am not afraid to tell jokes and laff and be friendly and a bit outgoing. And that 'popularity' translates to a positive vibe toward me, and then when I walk in a bit low, I can feed off that a bit, and before I know it, I am feeling a bit better.
And my goodness, isn't it true that on the days you are down, everything hurts more, aches more, is more dramatically negative? Best to avoid that, if one can.
It can be real tough some days, tho... it take energy that isn't always there.
Pat, dx in 2007, SCT after induction meds. I do visualizations of any myeloma cells in my very good partial remission being removed. I have thought that very thing, that thoughts we focus on become things. I haven't really come to terms with what to do. Does my "magical thinking" help or hurt. Every three months I get another opportunity to see how it's going. Linda
I can relate to the feedback but have a different opinion on how it works, and that is why we are individuals, you have to focus on what works for you.
I was end stage in 2004 with 3-6 weeks lifespan, (according to the experts). Yes I was in a pretty bad way. I only had a little radiation and a few steroids, All treatments were too harsh for me.
I did at least 1-2 hours a day of meditation and feedback. As I had worked with this as a nurse and other healing ways, i felt it was the thing for me. First I meditated on all the good, then I went from top to bottom of my skeletal system and body, I sent an army of people, who rode in little boats, with spears to kill all the myeloma cells. I then sent another army who dispensed healthy cells to replace the ones I terminated. This did not focus on the disease but on the cure, I used White light to enter my body and cleanse it, I visualized my feet in sand and sent all the remaining bad toxins into the center of the earth where a fire destroyed it. This worked extremely well for me. I had 97% plasma cells when diagnosed, 6 months later, although I still had lesions on my spine and some other areas, my bone marrow was clean. So it is a matter of working out what is good for you the individual. We know our bodies best!
Thanks for an insightful column
John...Yes, humor is another necessary ingredient with all this!
Linda...visualizing is not "magical thinking." It's empowering.
Janice...Thanks for sharing your meditation process.Experiencing ourselves as well is healing.
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