Finding out that you have multiple myeloma can make you a little neurotic. What else would you expect from someone who has been diagnosed with an incurable form of cancer?

After all, learning you might die in the relatively near future is enough to drive anyone a little crazy.

But the key here is “relatively near future.”

Although there are exceptions, the younger one is when he or she receives their diagnosis, the more difficult the adjustment seems to be.

It is usually worse in the beginning because, young or old, most newly diagnosed patients eventually learn to cope. But coping isn’t really living.

The irony isn’t lost on me. After learning you may only live four, five, six or maybe eight years, we spend the bulk of those years worrying about dying—thus wasting much of the precious time we have left.

What ever happened to living one day at a time?

I understand this is pretty heavy stuff. But that’s the point. The sooner we can face our own mortality, the sooner we can get on with living our lives.

I know plenty of patients who are justifiably disturbed by their diagnosis. Often they have monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance (MGUS) or smoldering myeloma—these are people whose myeloma isn’t even active yet.

But young or old, MGUS or symptomatic myeloma, I give the same advice to most every newly diagnosed patient. Let me take a moment to share that advice with all of you now:

1. Be patient. Easy advice to share, hard to follow. Give yourself time to adjust. Yes, it’s normal to be upset. Everything is new and scary. Often this is the first time you have faced a serious illness. It is perfectly understandable for you to be really upset. Suddenly facing one’s mortality for the first time isn’t easy. But you will know so much more about multiple myeloma and your treatment options in five or six months. You will also know a lot more about yourself and what you can and cannot withstand. You may find you are a lot stronger than you thought.
2. It’s ok to be angry. We are all going to die someday. But being told that day may come sooner, rather than later, isn’t an easy thing to hear. Realizing you are facing a life of medical appointments, needles, expensive drugs, and unpleasant side effects is also no picnic. So after the shock wears off, cry, yell, or scream—whatever you need to do to let it out. But make a conscious effort not to let anger become a permanent part of your life. Like being patient, letting go of your anger is easier said than done! But it will eat you up if you don’t. Internalized anger can actually be as destructive as the cancer. Find a way to get it out and let it go!
3. Learn to appreciate the simple things. It is easy to lose sight of the good things in your life when you are angry, despondent, and in pain. But there are beautiful, hopeful things all around you every day. A sunset. Your child’s smile. An email wishing you well from an old friend. An understanding nod or sympathetic conversation with the person sitting next to you in your oncologist’s office who’s going through the same thing. I bet you can find at least as much good as bad in your life—if you take the time to look.
4. It’s only pain. As an athlete growing up, a coach once pulled me aside after I had twisted my ankle and firmly but quietly said, “I know it hurts, son. But you aren’t injured. It’s only pain.” There is a difference between pain and injury. The pain from an inept nurse or med tech who takes three times to start your IV (I hate that!) isn’t injury. Yes it hurts. But the pain will go away. So while the nurse is digging around in my hand, trying to get past the valve in my vein, I slowly repeat to myself, “It’s only pain, it’s only pain…”
5. Don’t worry, be happy! We all remember that song. What great advice for a multiple myeloma survivor! Worrying rarely helps anything. But the stress and anxiety it causes robs you of precious time. Time you could be spending appreciating the simple things.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

I experience bad moments, but I never allow myself to have a bad day! Don’t let a little pain or disappointing news ruin your chance to find and grab onto something that brings you, someone you love, or even a complete stranger joy.

Life is too short—especially for a multiple myeloma survivor or caregiver. Remember, always try to feel good and keep smiling! Pat