Pat's Place: Keeping a Positive Mental Attitude During Treatment
Multiple myeloma is an unusual type of cancer. With some cancers, the end comes quickly. Others are easily cured. Multiple myeloma patients are stuck in the middle. Multiple myeloma is the ultimate shade of gray. Multiple myeloma doesn't knock you out—it wears you down!
My wife, Pattie, was forced to endure major surgery following her cervical and uterine cancer diagnosis at the young age of 34. Six years later, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. That meant another surgery and six grueling months of chemotherapy.
But there was always a light at the end of the tunnel—a light which still shines bright today. Seven years after her second round of treatment, Pattie remains cancer free. The doctors say she has a better chance of living without cancer now than an average woman her age. (I'm so proud of her!)
Contrast that with our lives as multiple myeloma patients. We may have good days, or months or years. But deep down we know that—unless we are exceptionally lucky—the myeloma will come back. Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. If it does, new medicationss may help beat it back—and then the cycle repeats itself.
How can we stay positive while faced with the almost certain return of our cancer? Here are a few tips that help me make the most of my day (notice I didn’t write “make it through my day”):
- Time is precious—especially for us! Don't sit back, waiting for something bad to happen. Do something positive instead! Help friends and family. Do something special for your caregiver. Take a class. Write a book. Grow a garden. Keep living!
- In order to keep living, we must keep moving. I try and walk at least once each day. Get out and remember how lucky you are to be alive. Walk, swim, or ride a bike. Do whatever you can to stay active.
- Find purpose in your life. Volunteer at your place of worship. Help out at a senior center. Make yourself indispensable! I often kid that “I'm too busy to die!” It's true! What about all of those projects around the house. I have articles and a second book to write. I have a dog, cats, and a wife that just can't live without me! Make a list of all the important things you need to do. Add to it everyday. Start a second list of all the people you know that would be worse off if you were gone. Work to add people's names to that list everyday as well.
- Adversity helps us grow and makes us better human beings. This is true, too! There is nothing wrong with being angry at your cancer. Get it out! Feel sorry for yourself—but only for a while. Feel better? Good! Now try and view your cancer as an opportunity. Think of every completed trip to the doctor, or each round of chemotherapy, as a victory. You didn't give up! Look back at all you have accomplished and endured. These victories are an important part of who you are—a winner!
- At the same time you are concentrating on all of those small, daily achievements and victories, don't forget to reflect on the future. Not the dark, depressing “I have cancer” part. I don't know if you have been paying attention, but there are new anti-multiple myeloma drugs and clinical trials popping up all around us—and they are working! Stay alive today, then tomorrow. Why? Every myeloma patient shares the fantasy that someday there will be a cure. Know what? That isn't crazy, wishful thinking! The more I learn about multiple myeloma and new therapy options to treat it, the more I believe that a cure—or at least the next wonder drug which will add years to our lives—is just around the corner.
- I don't have room here to even begin exploring the value of believing in a higher power. Pray, meditate, and reflect. Find your purpose.
Use the adversity of having cancer to help you learn more about yourself. Do that and the world will be a better place. And isn't that the most any of us can hope for?
Feel good and keep smiling! Pat
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Hi I am a MM carer. My husband was diagnosed Sept 2006. At prsnt, thank God, he is not on treatment. I get up and down days (don't we all) and today was one of may down days, that is until I read Pat Killingsworht piece in Myeloma Beacon. I was so touched by it an uplifter I copied it and is on my desk top just to read when I am feeling low. I would like to thank Pat for submitting the article and I wish him and his wife well. Take care and God bless.
Kind regards Jean Smyth
Hi Jean-
Thank you for your kind words as well! You made my day! I understand how hard it is--day to day dealing with appointments, meds, mood swings and worries associated with multiple myeloma. I truly believe it can be harder for the caregiver than the patient! I'm so glad your husband is doing so well right now. That's all that really matters, right? I can tell he is a lucky, lucky guy! Pat
Thanks so much for a great article and wonderful advice, Pat. I've taken hits on the ACOR list for my "think positive" attitude but truly believe it can make a difference. My husband has been through a lot since he was diagnosed in May 2006 - surgeries, given wrong blood, paralysis, so many infections, GI bleed, pulmonary embolism, Stage IV pressure ulcer, abdominal aortic pseudoaneurysm, end stage renal disease, dialysis - but through it all we have remained positive that we could make it through each trial. Our deep faith has made that much easier to accomplish. Are we "UP" each and every day? Of course not. But we don't allow ourselves to wallow in the blues for too long; it serves no purpose but to use up the time we have to make some more memories.
Thank you, Dianne! So sorry your husband has had such a hard time. My wife is an administrative assistant at a dialysis clinic--we understand! I'm surprised anyone would give you a hard time on the IMF's list/serve network. But with so many participants, I guess it is to be expected. Good luck to both of you! Pat
This is an excellent article, Pat. You are a gifted author and should pursue your next book with vigor. My husband was diagnosed in July 2007 and is currently "stable" and not on any chemo. He is feeling normal and we are trying to make the most of this time.
I hope you and your wife continue to do well and stay healthy for a long time. Take care and God bless you both.
How kind, Monica! Thank you. I was also diagnosed in 2007. That was actually a relatively good year for multiple myeloma patients. Velcade and Revlimid were just hitting their stride, and the term, "low dose dex," was becoming a reality. Glad your husband is stable and off chemo! My wife and I both appreciate your support- Pat
Fantastic advice, Pat! I find that living with cancer is not a passive pursuit. It requires a call to action. I'm not going to just stand there and let the Myeloma dodge balls pummel me. I'm going to duck and move and pick up one of the balls and throw it right back in Myeloma's face! I believe that our attitudes largely stem from the choices we make and one of the best choices I've made today was to read this column. Thanks!
Wow! Thanks for the kind words, Sean! Glad readers can go back and look up past articles and columns- Pat
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