I have been on this journey since March 2009. In October of 2008, my son got married and my daughter had a baby with her significant other. I viewed 2009 as my year to focus on me and possibly find a "soul" mate, my plan had one major glitch in it called Multiple Myeloma.
So here I sit really fighting the fight alone. Now don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family and awesome friends, but it is not the same as having a husband or significant other (assuming you have a healthy relationship.)
I am writing this to find others in a similar situations. Whether it be with a husband/significant who is not supportive or just on your own. I'd like to see if we can possibly find support here on those very frustrating days.
BACKGROUND
My daughter is 32 with my most precious two year old grandson, who is what keeps me going. He is the like of my life and we live in the same city! HUGE BONUS. She is living with the baby daddy working on a strong sustainable relationship. My daughter has a great career in the medical field and is one of those who could find a great job anywhere.
My son is 28, living in Houston with his wife who is the youngest of three children and her daddy admits to spoiling her rotten. They have no children, just two dogs. My son and his wife are very busy, just recently they decided to go for their masters in business, so between that and there extracurricular activities. My daughter-in-law is now involved with the Junior League, which as we all know they have mandatory meetings and activities you have to participate in. They are all financially secure and have great careers.
Currently I am living my mother for financial reasons. I have been on disability since June 2009, so my income has been cut by 60%. She is 84 and has early onset dementia, HOWEVER, she really does well and is physically in good shape. She amazes me. She just does not always understand what is going on and I have to repeat myself over and over again. So some times I am short and curt with her, which hurts her feelings. ARG!!!
I receive the majority of my treatments at MD Anderson in Houston, where my son lives. When I need to go up to Houston for my appts. it seems to freak out my daughter-in-law. It is as if she doesn't want to deal with me. This week I am flying up on Wednesday (my son will be out of town), she says she is working late and may not be able to pick me up from the airport, I am flying in at 7:30 PM. Now keep in mind this is an ongoing battle every time I come up to Houston. What I think is very simple, I go way out of my way to make this easy on everyone. But yet, we have to have these long conversations via text nailing down every finite detail to the point where I feel like saying forget it! AND this is after the prior day I thought she and I had it all figured out.
I have decided to talk to her (WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK), just letting her know when we have these long conversations it makes me feel like she would rather I not come or she doesn't want to deal with it at all. I don't know what to do.
I know it is hard, it is hard to put this burden on your children and it is not really fair. I have a friend in Houston that has volunteered to help whenever possible, but you have to be careful how much you tap into her kindness.
In January 2011 I will be getting an allogeneic stem cell transplant and I've been told I will need a lot of help getting through the first couple months. So I have arranged for 3 of my very good friends to fly into Houston and take care of me and they are gladly and happy to help. But my daughter-in-law is totally freaked out and worried.
I guess overall this is really taxing on me. I feel pulled, sad, unwanted and some times just want to say F*@K it!!! No treatment, I'll just take what comes.
Throughout this process I have tried hard to minimize the effect of my illness and the hardship it presents on my family. They really have no idea, well maybe except for my daughter.
Any thoughts?
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Cancer and the Single Girl
Last edited by trainier2020 on Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: The cancer battle as a single person
Dear Tricia, I am also fighting this battle alone,as of the last week. I did a stem cell txp in June, my best friend moved in to help my boyfriend of 7 years take care of me. I ended up kicking them both out after I found out they were having an affair. I look to the future and I am scared of fighting this alone. '
Thank God you have some good friends.My kids are good but I understand they all have their own busy lives. It sounds like maybe your daughter in law feels guilty she isn't more supportive. Good luck with your upcoming txp. I just had an auto, and that was hard. Do you have a family donor? I don't,so that option is probably out for me. I'll pray for you, as that's all I can do. Sincerely, Carol
Thank God you have some good friends.My kids are good but I understand they all have their own busy lives. It sounds like maybe your daughter in law feels guilty she isn't more supportive. Good luck with your upcoming txp. I just had an auto, and that was hard. Do you have a family donor? I don't,so that option is probably out for me. I'll pray for you, as that's all I can do. Sincerely, Carol
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cyom22
Re: The cancer battle as a single person
Hello Carol,
WOW!!! I just have to say HOW COULD THEY HAVE DONE THAT TO YOU!!!!???? Man what a kick in the gut!
I am only 53 and a firm believer in karma because I have had the opportunity to see it come around and unfortunately I have experienced it as well. So karma will get them!
My kids and friends are supportive. My two very good friends are long distance friends, but they have both offered me a week or two out of their lives after my allo sct. Which is greatly appreciated. I know the first 3-6 weeks are going to be really hard. The thing I really miss is someone to hold me at night, someone to pat me on the back and tell me it will be okay. I have been single for 10 years, at this point I don't see any man wanting to get involved with me with this big bag of tricks attached.
My only sibling, my sister is a perfect match, so I am so very blessed to have a related donor. It will definitely limit GVHD and any other complications.
I am depending on this transplant to kick me into remission. It would seem my multiple myeloma is treatment resistant thus far.
If you get down, don't hesitate to call someone. If you are feeling depressed all the time, talk to your doctor about anti-depressants. I am on anti-depressants, honestly I don't think I would have survived these past eight months.
If you aren't not doing this already, try to stay as physically active as you can. After going through two back to back autos, I have lost A LOT of muscle tone, which adds to my low stamina. As soon as I get on Revilmid, which hopefully is next week. I plan on joining a gym, get a personal trainer for a few rounds to gain some muscle back. I want to also join a yoga class. I need, it's a MUST I am as strong and healthy I can be before my next sct.
You know there are still some morning I wake up, sit up with my feet on the floor and shake my head and say, is a dream, do I really have this horrible cancer, did it really happen to me?
Take care of yourself, be strong because you have to and reach out and ask for help.
Sisters in multiple myeloma, Tricia
WOW!!! I just have to say HOW COULD THEY HAVE DONE THAT TO YOU!!!!???? Man what a kick in the gut!
I am only 53 and a firm believer in karma because I have had the opportunity to see it come around and unfortunately I have experienced it as well. So karma will get them!
My kids and friends are supportive. My two very good friends are long distance friends, but they have both offered me a week or two out of their lives after my allo sct. Which is greatly appreciated. I know the first 3-6 weeks are going to be really hard. The thing I really miss is someone to hold me at night, someone to pat me on the back and tell me it will be okay. I have been single for 10 years, at this point I don't see any man wanting to get involved with me with this big bag of tricks attached.
My only sibling, my sister is a perfect match, so I am so very blessed to have a related donor. It will definitely limit GVHD and any other complications.
I am depending on this transplant to kick me into remission. It would seem my multiple myeloma is treatment resistant thus far.
If you get down, don't hesitate to call someone. If you are feeling depressed all the time, talk to your doctor about anti-depressants. I am on anti-depressants, honestly I don't think I would have survived these past eight months.
If you aren't not doing this already, try to stay as physically active as you can. After going through two back to back autos, I have lost A LOT of muscle tone, which adds to my low stamina. As soon as I get on Revilmid, which hopefully is next week. I plan on joining a gym, get a personal trainer for a few rounds to gain some muscle back. I want to also join a yoga class. I need, it's a MUST I am as strong and healthy I can be before my next sct.
You know there are still some morning I wake up, sit up with my feet on the floor and shake my head and say, is a dream, do I really have this horrible cancer, did it really happen to me?
Take care of yourself, be strong because you have to and reach out and ask for help.
Sisters in multiple myeloma, Tricia
Re: The cancer battle as a single person
I too am fighting this disease as a single person and know how hard it can be. When I was first diagnosed and went through my first treatments and SCT, I was married but to a very unsupportive man who I eventually learned was cheating on me the entire time. We are no longer together. As of July, my multiple myeloma has reared it's ugly head again. I still haven't decided on what, if any, treatment I am going to go with right now. I have to meet with my transplant doctor later this week. My protein level is very low so I don't know if we will treat right away or not. But facing the relapse alone is a scary thing. I don't have the support of adult children .... my kids are only 4 and 5 years old. I have my mother and sister and a couple of close friends (that don't live nearby) but that's about it. I feel very alone and scared as I think of the future treatments and especially the impact it will all have on my young children.
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wilalrose
Re: The cancer battle as a single person
Tricia, it's wonderful that you've started this discussion on a subject that is so important, yet not discussed nearly enough. It's painful to read some of the things that you, Carol, and wilalrose have been through. I think, though, that this discussion could end up being really helpful to a lot of people.
I can't contribute directly to this discussion because I'm lucky enough to have a family that's always been supportive.
Maybe I can contribute indirectly, however, by offering a suggestion.
I was wondering if there are particularly important questions that it would be useful to discuss in this thread. You know, questions that people could talk about and, in the process, help one another.
Just as an example - What are some of the things people have found helpful, or not helpful, as they've attempted to deal with myeloma while being basically on their own?
Or another - Is it helpful to try to build new friendships or relationships at this point, or is it just too difficult or complicated?
Perhaps if people discuss these questions here, and add other questions, they will be able to really learn a lot from each other.
I hope you don't mind this suggestion. You can ignore it if you think it's out of place!
Thanks again. Barb.
I can't contribute directly to this discussion because I'm lucky enough to have a family that's always been supportive.
Maybe I can contribute indirectly, however, by offering a suggestion.
I was wondering if there are particularly important questions that it would be useful to discuss in this thread. You know, questions that people could talk about and, in the process, help one another.
Just as an example - What are some of the things people have found helpful, or not helpful, as they've attempted to deal with myeloma while being basically on their own?
Or another - Is it helpful to try to build new friendships or relationships at this point, or is it just too difficult or complicated?
Perhaps if people discuss these questions here, and add other questions, they will be able to really learn a lot from each other.
I hope you don't mind this suggestion. You can ignore it if you think it's out of place!
Thanks again. Barb.
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BarbSG
Re: The cancer battle as a single person
Tricia, thanks for the advice. I'm trying to stay strong, and I am doing PT to help get upper body strength back. I pray for all of us! Maybe trying to live in the moment and not worry so much about the future will help. Take care, for all of us, Carol
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CarolY - Name: Carol
- Who do you know with myeloma?: myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 10/09
- Age at diagnosis: 54
Re: Cancer and the Single Girl
Finally! After months of paperwork, documentation and red tape, I finally have funding for my Allogeneic Stem Cell Transplant and Revilimid therapy, thanks to MD Anderson once again. Managing through this process was stressful and exhausting, when I received the call from MDA, I was almost afraid to listen to what was being said, until MY guy at MDA said, Tricia, it's good news! A huge sigh of relief. WOW! I'll push that one back into the recesses of my mind.
Relating this back to the cancer battle as a single person or without the support of a significant other and you struggle day to day with the side effects of your treatments and disease, when you have a difficult time getting out of bed each morning, who can you turn to. I am thankful I had the ways and means to get this done. I worry about the single cancer comrades who don't.
I had a brief encounter with an ovarian cancer patient while I was receiving treatment, she was from a very small town in Texas. She was new to the whole cancer world. She was alone, trying to figure this all out, not computer literate, the doctor had not counseled her well, no literature, etc. I gave her a few organizations to contact, then left, this was several months ago and I still think about her. What is a person like this to do, where do they go when their access to information is so limited. It doesn't seem fair.
I really need to recognize every single day the blessings I have in my life.
Relating this back to the cancer battle as a single person or without the support of a significant other and you struggle day to day with the side effects of your treatments and disease, when you have a difficult time getting out of bed each morning, who can you turn to. I am thankful I had the ways and means to get this done. I worry about the single cancer comrades who don't.
I had a brief encounter with an ovarian cancer patient while I was receiving treatment, she was from a very small town in Texas. She was new to the whole cancer world. She was alone, trying to figure this all out, not computer literate, the doctor had not counseled her well, no literature, etc. I gave her a few organizations to contact, then left, this was several months ago and I still think about her. What is a person like this to do, where do they go when their access to information is so limited. It doesn't seem fair.
I really need to recognize every single day the blessings I have in my life.
Re: Cancer and the Single Girl
Tricia, Carol and Willarose,
Obviously you are strong and have shown that you can stand up for yourselves. I have never been married. Have had several close relationships but never to the point of living together. I've lived alone for the majority of my adult life. I have no children of my own. Up until my diagnosis in 2006, I was always incredibly healthy.
Both of my parents are gone now -- my Dad in 1998 and Mom in 2003. I'm kind of glad Mom is not here to have to deal with all of this. Dad was incredibly dependent on her and she really enjoyed her last five years of independence.
I have 2 older brothers: one in So. Calif. and one in Houston. We were never very close but both offered to help when I was diagnosed. I ended up going to Houston (MDA) to see the specialist and it has been great to get to know my brother and his wife. My sister-in-law has become a close friend. My other friends have also been incredibly helpful. I'm not good at sharing my feelings or asking for help but they have been there when I needed them.
I've undergone multple treatments, 2 surgeries and an auto SCT. There have been times when it has been very difficult. At times I just plug along from day to day. The transplant doc at MDA has recommended I do an allo SCT but I've not been convinced that it is right for me. Neither of my brothers is a match but MDA has found a good unrelated match for me. Also, my insurance co. says they won't pay for the allo.
What makes a big difference in my life is staying involved. I still work about 25-30 hours per week. I get partial disability to help cover the rest of my financial needs. My boss has been really supportive and understanding -- I'm very fortunate. I also volunteer for CASA, an organization that represents children taken into protective services. I need to feel that my life has some purpose and substance to be worth the difficulties. I think that is a big difference for people with families and those without. When you have children and grandchildren, you have that to live for.
Good luck and stay strong. Know that there are others out there fighting the same battle.
Janet (in Idaho)
Obviously you are strong and have shown that you can stand up for yourselves. I have never been married. Have had several close relationships but never to the point of living together. I've lived alone for the majority of my adult life. I have no children of my own. Up until my diagnosis in 2006, I was always incredibly healthy.
Both of my parents are gone now -- my Dad in 1998 and Mom in 2003. I'm kind of glad Mom is not here to have to deal with all of this. Dad was incredibly dependent on her and she really enjoyed her last five years of independence.
I have 2 older brothers: one in So. Calif. and one in Houston. We were never very close but both offered to help when I was diagnosed. I ended up going to Houston (MDA) to see the specialist and it has been great to get to know my brother and his wife. My sister-in-law has become a close friend. My other friends have also been incredibly helpful. I'm not good at sharing my feelings or asking for help but they have been there when I needed them.
I've undergone multple treatments, 2 surgeries and an auto SCT. There have been times when it has been very difficult. At times I just plug along from day to day. The transplant doc at MDA has recommended I do an allo SCT but I've not been convinced that it is right for me. Neither of my brothers is a match but MDA has found a good unrelated match for me. Also, my insurance co. says they won't pay for the allo.
What makes a big difference in my life is staying involved. I still work about 25-30 hours per week. I get partial disability to help cover the rest of my financial needs. My boss has been really supportive and understanding -- I'm very fortunate. I also volunteer for CASA, an organization that represents children taken into protective services. I need to feel that my life has some purpose and substance to be worth the difficulties. I think that is a big difference for people with families and those without. When you have children and grandchildren, you have that to live for.
Good luck and stay strong. Know that there are others out there fighting the same battle.
Janet (in Idaho)
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jsnow527 - Name: Janet
- Who do you know with myeloma?: Myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: July 2006
- Age at diagnosis: 50
Re: Cancer and the Single Girl
Hi Tricia and all, I too am a single woman experiencing the Beast as I call my multiple myeloma. I have no children and my husband was having affairs with more than one woman for the last 3 years of our marriage unknowingly, one day just said he wanted to be single; just way too narcisstic to give thought to anyone but himself. Our divorce was final a month after I learned that I had multiple myeloma so I had to suffer the emotional burden of two unfortunate circumstances. But now after a year, the burden is much less. My mom, though relatively healthy is in her 80s and my medical condition has been an emotional struggle for her. We buried my only sibling, a 58 yr old brother who died of soft tissue sarcoma four years ago. Now my mother worries about having to bury me and prays that she will go first.
I live far away from my mom and extended family and do not plan to relocate back home since I am happy and content where I presently live, have great climate and supportive friends. I had a stem cell transplant last year and my mom was with me for 2 months while I went thru the initial clinical trial of mega dose and induction therapy and sct. I could not have done it without her but when I had my second stem cell transplant and mega dose chemo this past Spring I could not put her thru this burden again. It was way too hard on her emotionally. I lied and told her I would be okay and would have a friend with me if necessary and I did most of it alone. I am pretty health, have been all my life and would rather have a contract nurse take care of me than see my mom suffer the way she did last summer. However I did have a dear friend come take care of me right after I had my second mega dose chemo because I soon realized that trying to get dressed one day was a major struggle and I had no interest in eating. At least I had the sense to know when I was beaten up...ha ha. I have learned to ask for help from my closest friends, something I have never had to do before. I have also learned that it is important to cherish and foster these relationships, build on them and let your friends know how important they are and how much you love them. I've learned alot from my multiple myeloma and most importantly I've learned alot about loving yourself and your friends.
I can not stress enough the importance of networking, keeping in contact with your friends, being honest with yourself and to your friends so they can be an ear and voice for you. I can count on at least 6 close friends who will be there for me and perhaps more if I really ask. I have lots of friends across he mainland but the distance is difficult when you help from them. But help can be just a kind word, sending a card, checking in on me and skyping with me more often. I don't think about the future and try not to worry about growing old alone. It's up to me to keep active with my friends, build new friendships and keep the love flowing. Thru this means, I will never be alone. I know that fear of being alone and it does creep in but I have also realized that there are alot of unfortunate people out there worse off than myself and I would not trade places.
When I divorced, the house was sold and of course half of the income dissolved as well. So instead of buying a house and having to worry about maintaining it or having it absent for long periods of time during treatments, I choose to rent. I found a rent with a lovely lady my age, in the country where my dogs have freedom to roam in a fenced in acreage without worry of being lost. We have become very close friends and support each other tremendously. She is married but her husband is very ill and in a nursing home so we are very good support for each other. I live downstairs in her large home and she lives upstairs. I never feel alone and know that if I need someone to talk to, she is there for me and vice versa This was a blessing for me. I can't imagine living alone now, with the constant silence. I would recommend having someone around, a renter, a family member, a friend, whatever but it is a blessing to know someone you care about is nearby.
I do everything I can to stay positive, keep active (gym and personal trainer) and have the company of my dogs which is therapy in itself. I don't bottle things up any longer and I have a counselor who I just respect so much that I can go to and vent should I need to. I have not seen him in a year but know the support is always there. If you are feeling alone, venture out and do some volunteer work, get involved in something that appeals to you, start a multiple myeloma fundraiser, get on Meetup.com or Yahoo.com and find groups to join or new hobbies to start. You'll find like minded new friends. I have therapy dogs and keep active thru their involvement in the community. I've made friends in many avenues I never thought possible. I am currently having fun in a pottery class thru the local college and plan to join the local photography club since I love taking photos. I have had to give up hiking pretty much so now I walk and walk and have more time to take pictures; I love macro photography. You can find beauty in just about anything if you look close enough and open your eyes. I started knitting again and this year all my close friends and family are getting beautiful gifts that I know they can use. It keeps me happy to make them happy. I'm pretty much a happy person most of the time....I beat up on myself over the fact I have gained 30 lbs from the dexamethasone and don't have that cute little figure I had last Spring when I started my maintenance therapy program and dex became my other Beast. But most of all, I refuse to be a victim and am embracing what I have and believe that karma is on my side for being a loving and nice person overall. My friends say I am remarkable and inspiring and I'd like to think I am just normal and had a wake up call, a serious one but one that made me a better person.
I hope you all find the strength to endure the Beast and I pray that you all have the blessings of loving friends and family support. We can not know our future but we can build our future somewhat by building our network of friends and then laying the ground by spreading the love around. It's good karma and good for our soul no matter what.
Madeline
I live far away from my mom and extended family and do not plan to relocate back home since I am happy and content where I presently live, have great climate and supportive friends. I had a stem cell transplant last year and my mom was with me for 2 months while I went thru the initial clinical trial of mega dose and induction therapy and sct. I could not have done it without her but when I had my second stem cell transplant and mega dose chemo this past Spring I could not put her thru this burden again. It was way too hard on her emotionally. I lied and told her I would be okay and would have a friend with me if necessary and I did most of it alone. I am pretty health, have been all my life and would rather have a contract nurse take care of me than see my mom suffer the way she did last summer. However I did have a dear friend come take care of me right after I had my second mega dose chemo because I soon realized that trying to get dressed one day was a major struggle and I had no interest in eating. At least I had the sense to know when I was beaten up...ha ha. I have learned to ask for help from my closest friends, something I have never had to do before. I have also learned that it is important to cherish and foster these relationships, build on them and let your friends know how important they are and how much you love them. I've learned alot from my multiple myeloma and most importantly I've learned alot about loving yourself and your friends.
I can not stress enough the importance of networking, keeping in contact with your friends, being honest with yourself and to your friends so they can be an ear and voice for you. I can count on at least 6 close friends who will be there for me and perhaps more if I really ask. I have lots of friends across he mainland but the distance is difficult when you help from them. But help can be just a kind word, sending a card, checking in on me and skyping with me more often. I don't think about the future and try not to worry about growing old alone. It's up to me to keep active with my friends, build new friendships and keep the love flowing. Thru this means, I will never be alone. I know that fear of being alone and it does creep in but I have also realized that there are alot of unfortunate people out there worse off than myself and I would not trade places.
When I divorced, the house was sold and of course half of the income dissolved as well. So instead of buying a house and having to worry about maintaining it or having it absent for long periods of time during treatments, I choose to rent. I found a rent with a lovely lady my age, in the country where my dogs have freedom to roam in a fenced in acreage without worry of being lost. We have become very close friends and support each other tremendously. She is married but her husband is very ill and in a nursing home so we are very good support for each other. I live downstairs in her large home and she lives upstairs. I never feel alone and know that if I need someone to talk to, she is there for me and vice versa This was a blessing for me. I can't imagine living alone now, with the constant silence. I would recommend having someone around, a renter, a family member, a friend, whatever but it is a blessing to know someone you care about is nearby.
I do everything I can to stay positive, keep active (gym and personal trainer) and have the company of my dogs which is therapy in itself. I don't bottle things up any longer and I have a counselor who I just respect so much that I can go to and vent should I need to. I have not seen him in a year but know the support is always there. If you are feeling alone, venture out and do some volunteer work, get involved in something that appeals to you, start a multiple myeloma fundraiser, get on Meetup.com or Yahoo.com and find groups to join or new hobbies to start. You'll find like minded new friends. I have therapy dogs and keep active thru their involvement in the community. I've made friends in many avenues I never thought possible. I am currently having fun in a pottery class thru the local college and plan to join the local photography club since I love taking photos. I have had to give up hiking pretty much so now I walk and walk and have more time to take pictures; I love macro photography. You can find beauty in just about anything if you look close enough and open your eyes. I started knitting again and this year all my close friends and family are getting beautiful gifts that I know they can use. It keeps me happy to make them happy. I'm pretty much a happy person most of the time....I beat up on myself over the fact I have gained 30 lbs from the dexamethasone and don't have that cute little figure I had last Spring when I started my maintenance therapy program and dex became my other Beast. But most of all, I refuse to be a victim and am embracing what I have and believe that karma is on my side for being a loving and nice person overall. My friends say I am remarkable and inspiring and I'd like to think I am just normal and had a wake up call, a serious one but one that made me a better person.
I hope you all find the strength to endure the Beast and I pray that you all have the blessings of loving friends and family support. We can not know our future but we can build our future somewhat by building our network of friends and then laying the ground by spreading the love around. It's good karma and good for our soul no matter what.
Madeline
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BPositive - Who do you know with myeloma?: myself
- When were you/they diagnosed?: June 2009
- Age at diagnosis: 57
Re: Cancer and the Single Girl
This is a topic that I have been pondering since my diagnosis seven years ago, as I was fifty-one with no significant other and no kids. I got through a year of difficulty with the support of a few friends, family and visiting nurses. Despite all this, I was still on my own for most of the time and at the end of the day, I face the mortality, confusing medical information, financial worries and the task of healing myself--alone.
I found a women’s cancer support group that was helpful. I tried a few multiple myeloma support groups, but there were mostly married men with their caregiver wives and I often left feeling worse. The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society has a program where they can match you up with an advocate who has been through the stem cell transplant process. They will call you--sometimes visit you in the hospital.
Be sure to push for an adequate inpatient stay for the stem cell transplant. Being in a hospital bed is a good place to be. If they think you have a designated caregiver, they may want you to recover at home. The more you emphasize to the medical staff and social workers helping to arrange your care that you are alone, you may have access to more services that the insurance carrier does not want to pay for. Look into having as much visiting nurse assistance as your insurance carrier will allow. You will definitely want somebody to be with you at least for a few days when you return home.
Healing and getting well become a necessity. I heard another woman recovering from cancer say that she "babies herself." I learned to do that. The extra help and support is needed to get through the worst and people do want to help that way, but there is a clear limit. Nobody is available indefinitely--the way a partner might be. I have sensed a slight step back from others as I have become well--as if they would prefer to be slightly more removed from my situation. Nurture yourself and healing will happen. Women have a natural ability to do this.
I’d be happy to correspond with any of the other single women if you wish to email me privately.
I found a women’s cancer support group that was helpful. I tried a few multiple myeloma support groups, but there were mostly married men with their caregiver wives and I often left feeling worse. The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society has a program where they can match you up with an advocate who has been through the stem cell transplant process. They will call you--sometimes visit you in the hospital.
Be sure to push for an adequate inpatient stay for the stem cell transplant. Being in a hospital bed is a good place to be. If they think you have a designated caregiver, they may want you to recover at home. The more you emphasize to the medical staff and social workers helping to arrange your care that you are alone, you may have access to more services that the insurance carrier does not want to pay for. Look into having as much visiting nurse assistance as your insurance carrier will allow. You will definitely want somebody to be with you at least for a few days when you return home.
Healing and getting well become a necessity. I heard another woman recovering from cancer say that she "babies herself." I learned to do that. The extra help and support is needed to get through the worst and people do want to help that way, but there is a clear limit. Nobody is available indefinitely--the way a partner might be. I have sensed a slight step back from others as I have become well--as if they would prefer to be slightly more removed from my situation. Nurture yourself and healing will happen. Women have a natural ability to do this.
I’d be happy to correspond with any of the other single women if you wish to email me privately.
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BuffaloPat - Name: Pat
- When were you/they diagnosed?: 2003
- Age at diagnosis: 51
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